Amanda Larson sent me her reflections on the upcoming journey to edit. Problem is, there's nothing to edit. With honest and heartfelt words their usually isn't anything to add, change, or delete. So here is her offering. MT 10/15/2007
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I have always had an innate sense of purpose in my life. I’ve recognized and truly felt within me that I am here, in this place and at this time, for a reason, to be a part of something much greater than myself. But what is it I am to be a part of? Each day of my life has become a quest to find meaning and insight to this question. While I fully expect this search to continue throughout my life, I feel that God helps me find some of that meaning I’m so desperate for. Through prayer and faithfulness, He helps guide me in the direction He desires for my life.
So, why Africa? Do I feel it’s somehow my duty to go? Do I feel the need to try and save the people of Swaziland? Do I think it will just be a good experience? No, no, and no. Fortunately, this trip is not about obligation, has nothing to do with saving anyone, and is definitely not a jaunt halfway across the world to broaden my horizons. After much prayerful consideration, I honestly felt God’s call to be a part of this mission team.
My faith has truly been stretched as I’ve prepared for this trip. Part of me feels the timing couldn’t be worse, as I’m struggling to make ends meet in the transition from full-time student to full-time professional. I have no financial stability, no job stability, and still insist on trying to be “everything to everybody.” I’ve been so overwhelmed and exhausted that I’ve often lost sight of the call that God has placed on my heart to make the trip to Swaziland. But as I contemplate my situation a bit further, I realize that God’s timing is perfect. He has provided me with abundant support to not only fund the expenses for this trip, but also to help cover my teaching position while I am away. This is nothing short of miraculous and a true blessing. Once again, God is showing me the need to be faithful and to have trust in His plans and timing.
The mental preparation for this trip has truly been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. Since I am yet to discover exactly why God wants me to go, I am unsure what mindset to have. I am not an aide-worker, or a builder, or a pastor, which would be useful in Mhlosheni. I am not going as a math teacher, or a volleyball coach, or a youth leader, in which I actually have experience and training.
So, why Africa? Do I feel it’s somehow my duty to go? Do I feel the need to try and save the people of Swaziland? Do I think it will just be a good experience? No, no, and no. Fortunately, this trip is not about obligation, has nothing to do with saving anyone, and is definitely not a jaunt halfway across the world to broaden my horizons. After much prayerful consideration, I honestly felt God’s call to be a part of this mission team.
My faith has truly been stretched as I’ve prepared for this trip. Part of me feels the timing couldn’t be worse, as I’m struggling to make ends meet in the transition from full-time student to full-time professional. I have no financial stability, no job stability, and still insist on trying to be “everything to everybody.” I’ve been so overwhelmed and exhausted that I’ve often lost sight of the call that God has placed on my heart to make the trip to Swaziland. But as I contemplate my situation a bit further, I realize that God’s timing is perfect. He has provided me with abundant support to not only fund the expenses for this trip, but also to help cover my teaching position while I am away. This is nothing short of miraculous and a true blessing. Once again, God is showing me the need to be faithful and to have trust in His plans and timing.
The mental preparation for this trip has truly been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. Since I am yet to discover exactly why God wants me to go, I am unsure what mindset to have. I am not an aide-worker, or a builder, or a pastor, which would be useful in Mhlosheni. I am not going as a math teacher, or a volleyball coach, or a youth leader, in which I actually have experience and training.
My only official team duty is “Devotion-giver,” which apparently I signed up for, but feel completely incompetent to do. So where can I contribute? What do I have to give? I’m just a young woman with a desire to serve the Lord. Hopefully, that is all God really needs me to be. My prayer is that I continue to be open-minded in how I may serve. God knows my strengths and He knows my weaknesses, and I hope to be challenged in both.
So what do I hope to get out of this trip? While my body desperately wants a break from my weekly routine, I know this will not be a vacation. I am expecting not only a difficult physical adjustment to the 9-10 hour time change and days of plane travel, but potentially some extremely emotional and spiritual turmoil as well. How do I deal with being face to face with disease and poverty that I’ve only seen on TV? How do I react when I see my sponsored child, Thandiwe, for the first time? How do I process all that is Africa as part of God’s creation when compared to the United States? Although these questions overwhelm me, I am excited at the opportunity to confront them and search for answers.
I want an image of Africa, of Mhlosheni, of Thandiwe, to be etched in my mind forever. I want to have to trust God more than ever, to feel His spirit grow inside me. I want to experience hope and faith of those who have nothing to lean on but God. I want to never forget the emotions that I’ll feel and the story of the Swaziland people. I want to become even more inspired to serve God for the rest of my life. I am going to Africa, and I hope and pray to have my heart changed forever… and to never, ever be the same.
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